Final ‘Colbert Report’ Ends with Stephen Colbert Becoming Immortal

Stephen Colbert demonstrated the last time that he knows how to make a show.

After nine years and almost 1,500 episodes, Stephen Colbert made his last “Report” yesterday, escaping the total murder of the character, as was speculated when it was announced that the Grim Reaper would be his final guest, but by becoming immortal.

Colbert fooled Death by shooting him during a game of chess.

“I’m ending the ‘Report,’ and I was going to say goodbye,” Colbert said afterward. “But now that I’ll live forever, who knows.”

“If this is your first episode tuning into The Colbert Report, I have some terrible news,” he told viewers. “This is your last time watching the Colbert Report … until 10 years from now when they reboot it, directed by J.J. Abrams.”

After a quick recap of the latest Syrian shenanigans, Colbert turned to his viewers, his Nation, for a thanks-a-lot edition of The Word: “While I’ve always reminded you to be afraid, folks, I don’t want you to worry,” he began. “On my very first show, I told you truth doesn’t come from your head. It comes from your gut. … The truthiness is, all those incredible things people say I did, none of that was really me. You, the Nation, did all of that. … I just got paid for it.”

The character performed “We’ll Meet Again” with Randy Newman on piano with dozens of famous guests joining in a massive singalong, including: Jon Stewart, Neil deGrasse Tyson, Mandy Patinkin, Big Bird, Cyndi Lauper, Katie Couric, Barry Manilow, Patrick Stewart, George Lucas, Henry Kissinger, Sen. Cory Booker, Michael Stipe, Willie Nelson and even HuffPost founder Arianna Huffington.

Which is more, Colbert was joined remotely by U.S. troops from somewhere out of the country, former President Bill Clinton (who texted his contribution to the song), and Smaug the Dragon from “The Hobbit” films (in which Colbert has a cameo).

The show ended with Colbert on the roof with Captain America’s shield crying out “What do I do now?” After that Santa arrived with a unicorn Abraham Lincoln smoking an e-cigarette as well as “the one with all the answers.” Hidden at first by a hazy white light, “the one with all the answers” turned out to be Alex Trebek, who asked Colbert to join them in Santa’s sleigh.

And with that, Colbert flew off into the night… except for a brief return for a round of thank-yous.

“From eternity, I’m Stephen Colbert,” he said from the back of Santa’s sleigh, signing off. “Jon?”

“Thanks for that Report, Stephen,” Stewart replied from the “Daily Show” studios.

Colbert will take over “The Late Show” from David Letterman next year. Letterman’s final episode is scheduled to air on May 20, 2015. The debut of Colbert’s “Late Show” has not yet been announced, but there is speculation it will be in August or September.

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