Hey, Guys: Here Are 100 Things You’re Doing Wrong

Esquire celebrates all things female in its latest issue named “Women”, and it tries to do right by the ladies of the world by telling men all the things they’re doing wrong. Straight from the mouth of the fairer species, Esquire collected 1,000 tips—and shares a select 100

Anything but roses. Think about it. We've mentioned our favorite flower more than once. If you can't remember, go with a lily. —Rhiannon Falzone, 25, Chicago.

Esquire celebrates all things female in its latest issue named “Women”, and it tries to do right by the ladies of the world by telling men all the things they’re doing wrong. Straight from the mouth of the fairer species, Esquire collected 1,000 tips — and shares a select 100. And here’s our list:

No. 10: Anything but roses. Think about it. We’ve mentioned our favorite flower more than once. If you can’t remember, go with a lily. —Rhiannon Falzone, 25, Chicago

No. 87: Women can tell if you’re wearing clothes that were given to you by your mother. They all have that “I used to wear essentially the same shirt when I was eight” look. This isn’t awful if done occasionally, but when that’s your daily head-to-toe, it sends a questionable message. —Kimberly Ryan, 25, Tucson

No. 306: Don’t pretend we don’t tell you when something’s wrong. Come on now. Increased chocolate intake. Foot tapping. Crossed arms. Tears during a Hallmark commercial. We’ve said all we need to. Tell us we look even skinnier than usual. And then get us a glass of Sancerre. —Kirsten Hall, 35, New York

No. 512: We’re not always aware of our breasts. If we happen to brush up against you, we’re not necessarily coming on to you. Sometimes we are. But it’s not a given. —Nicole French, 37, Denver, Colorado

No. 492: We don’t expect you to read our minds. We expect you to ask. —Kelly Viets, 20, Newport News, Virginia

No. 19: We remember if you told us you would call us tomorrow, so if you don’t mean tomorrow, say “soon.” No woman will ever hold it against you if you call when you say you will, and we always notice when you don’t. —Roxanna Elden, 30, Miami

No. 37: More back massages. —Shannon Little, 23, Memphis.

No. 67: Women in their mid-thirties have to do everything for ourselves — drive our careers, pay the mortgage, fix broken appliances, assemble furniture. The only place we don’t have to do it ourselves is in the bedroom. For that one small slice of the day, we’ll actually give up control and let someone else own us. So, own us. —Suzanne Casamento, 28, Los Angeles

No. 413: Asking “are you ticklish” as an excuse to touch a woman for the first time is not appropriate past the age of 17. —Claire Serxner, 25, Houston

No. 706: Why do you spell “you” as “u” in a text? Spell it out. Is it really that hard? —Becky Ellis, 32, New York

No. 99: If you tell us you love us during sex, it will only confuse us. We won’t know whether the sentiment is genuine or blurted out in the heat of passion. If you mean it and want to tell us, wait until we’re fully clothed and you’re fully sober. —Devon Brooke Clasen, 31, Las Vegas

No. 184: You have our interest if you pick us up in a convertible. You have our hearts if there is a hair tie and/or brush in the car. —Beth Hurtubise, 26, Chicago

No. 930: We only have two to three bras that we alternate. We tell you we just have a bunch of the same one. Lies! —Jane Marie Solomon, 23, Austin, Texas

No. 723: Sometimes we wear our bathing suits when we run out of underwear. —Brenna Ehrlich, 25, Brooklyn

No. 554: Women don’t get mad at you because they have PMS. They get mad at you because you’re being an idiot. —Hannah Rosengren,19, Beverly, Massachusetts

No. 13: Buying lingerie for your girlfriend is like buying a present for yourself. If she’s showing you her undies, chances are you’ll be removing them. Assess your priorities, sir. —Stephanie Hoos, 23, New York

No.293: There’s nothing more unappealing than a man being indecisive. Unless he’s being indecisive between bouts of crying. —Katy Steinmetz, 25, Washington, D.C.

No. 111: When you offer to pay for something and we refuse, insist one more time. Always insist. —Cristina Luiggi, 24, New York

No. 444: No man ever talked a woman into sex. Ninety-nine percent of the time, a woman knows she is going to have sex when she walks out the door. Men can only talk themselves out of it. —Pat Lieske, 46, Los Angeles

No. 316: At the end of a first date, just call us the next day if you liked us. You can wait three days if you want, but it will only piss us off. —Wynne Kontos, 21, Lafayette, Indiana

No. 21: We understand the World Cup too. —Erin Dowding, 34, Brooklyn

No. 223: We know we snore sometimes. Don’t ever tell us when we do. —Eva Meszaros, 25, Brooklyn

No. 450: Yes, I saw Braveheart, and it’s one of my favorite movies too. —Allie Nordby, 20, Los Angeles

No. 999: We really don’t like your skinny jeans. —Yoakova Franklin, 20, Great Neck

No. 477: Men don’t know how much we really eat. Really. —Natalia Angel, 22, London

No. 660: Don’t ask me why my Stella is in a wine glass. It’s not. Get your beers straight. —Leigh Metherell, 22, Brooklyn

No. 388: If you ask for our number a second time and we don’t give it to you, there’s a good chance we can’t remember the first number we gave you. —Megan McDonnell, 30, Los Angeles

No. 314: Don’t try to figure out what will make us happy. We have been trying to get to the bottom of that mystery since the beginning of time and we have no clue either. —Michele Pepio, 35, Staten Island, New York

No. 497: We like whiskey. And beer. —Maura E. McGill, 29, New York

No. 730: We find it creepy when your fingernails are longer and/or shinier than ours. You may get a manicure, but don’t admit it, and don’t enjoy it. —Eva Meszaros, 25, Brooklyn

No. 642: Men see what women do, but they never know what women think while they are doing it. —Verena Michaeler, 18, Brixen, Italy

No. 524: That low-cut top — we wouldn’t wear it if we didn’t want you to look. Just be discrete about it. —Whitney Webb, 22, Blacksburg, Virginia.

Hey, Guys, what is your favourite tip?! And Dear Women, please, add something more to this list! We want more! [Esquire via Newser; photo via TheJohn]

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